Monday, May 15, 2006

A Mother's Love

There are times when only a Mother's love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears.

There are times when only a Mother's love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we've dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real.

There are times when only a Mother's faith
Can help us on life's way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day.

For a Mother's heart and a Mother's faith
And a Mother's steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above...


"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.

Happy mother's day to all the great mom's out there....

Thursday, April 27, 2006

We Doubt in order to be sure

One saturday night, the pastor of the Almighty God Paris church was trying to call his friend, but his friend didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that his friend would not answer while he's sure he was at home. He dialed again after a few minutes and his friend answered right away. He asked why he hadn't answered his earlier call. His friend claimed the phone hadn't rung. They brushed off the incident and continued with their chat.

The following day, the pastor recieved a call at the church office phone, which was the one he used to call his friend on Saturday. The man who called wanted to know why the pastor called Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. The guy said, "It rang and rang, but I did not answer". Then the pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he intended to call his friend but apparently misdialed. The man said, "Thats OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on that very night, but before I did, I prayed, "God, if You'e there, and you don't want me to do this , give me a sign now." At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer".

This is a story I cooked up to explain a point. Quite frankly I do not believe in signs but, do you remember the times when you doubted God's love and asked for signs and confirmation that He will not abandon you? When everything goes well, it is so easy for us to become persons of faith. However, when a crisis comes, such as death of a loved one, serious illness, break ups with someone very special and never arrived to an answer to why it happend when you did everything to make it work, accidents, grade failures etc, we tend to blame God and enter into a period of doubt. Yet this is not that all bad because this can be an occasion for us to deepen our faith in God and evolve into a higher level of spirituality. One thing good about questioning our faith is that it makes us seek for an answer and confirmation, then we begin to understand it more deeply.

" To begin with certainty, we must begin by doubting". Doubting is part of being human. We must not despise ourselves when we are in doubt. In the midst of our suffering, it is most likely that we doubt God's love for us. We look for evidence, signs, and confirmations because we want to be certain. If Jesus did not fail Thomas, Jesus will not fail us. He will give us signs. But we must also pray for he spirit of discernment to understand His signs because it might not be what we are seeking for. God works in mysterious but wonderful ways. When God gives us signs and confirmations, we must hold on to them. They should lead us into a deep and mature faith in Him, a faith which does not anymore ask for signs and evidences.

It is never wrong to doubt, sometimes it is even the right thing to do, because giving your trust to somebody would almost mean giving your being, thus turning you vulnerable to the pain that person could bring. Always keep your guard up, be careful in choosing who to trust. Talk shitters talk shit.

Like i've said I never believed in signs, these are the things I've learned from someone whom I used to know and WAS very special to me...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


This was something I wrote as a position paper during my ENGLISH one class which recieved superb remarks from my professor. Just thought I'd share my thoughts of death(again) with you.

Modern medicine has been enormously successful in saving and extending lives. No one can reasonably regret this, but it exacerbates a problem which has always been with us, namely, how to treat those who are alive, but not living lives they think worthwhile, and have no prospects for anything better. Under current Canadian law, one who wants to die can either commit suicide, or, if he is competent, refuse all treatment necessary for life. But one does not always have the ability and opportunity to do the former, and the latter does not always bring about a gentle and easy death for either the patient or his loved ones. The question thus arises as to whether we should make legal provision for assisted suicide providing the means of suicide and active voluntary euthanasia killing the patient on request. The Canadian Law Reform Commission1 has recently taken up this question, and answered with a clear "No". I shall argue in what follows that the answer should be "Yes".

The logic of the debate is this. There is, I will contend, and as is generally admitted, a case for legalizing assisted suicide and active voluntary euthanasia. There is, similarly uncontroversially, a long list of objections to doing so. The first and simplest appeal to the value of liberty is concerned with freedom. This forms the basis of the common view that individuals can do as they want unless there are weighty reasons which dictate otherwise. Restrictions on liberty are certainly sometimes justifiable, but the onus of justification always lies on their defenders. Thus, given that prohibiting assisted suicide and active voluntary euthanasia are restrictions on liberty patients are prevented from getting what they want.

My second argument under this head runs along exactly similar lines, and begins with the fact that suicide is not a criminal offence. This does not mean we should not prevent suicide when we can. In most cases we certainly should, for suicides typically have very bad reasons for wanting to die, and need our help. But suicide cannot be properly prevented in all cases. If a person has a good reason for death if, for instance, he is elderly and terminal and suffering it would be unspeakably meddlesome to interfere. But if so, we get the presumption that in just those circumstances in which we should not prevent a person from bringing about his won death, we can appropriately help him do so by either assisting his suicide or delivering active voluntary euthanasia. If a person has a good reason to die, and does not have the means to commit suicide, he should be allowed to request and receive those means from those willing to provide them, and if he is too weak to swallow a pill or inject himself, to authorize others to deliver the fatal dose. Thus the right to suicide under certain conditions entails the right to assisted suicide and active voluntary euthanasia.

Finally, the issue here is a matter of choice never a matter of what is moral, it is up to our faculty of choice on how to live life on the basis of how we see God’s plan.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


An issue that has been my obsession since the very word came into my consciousness. Are human beings condemned to a pre-determined world that is fixed and cannot be changed whatever we do? Are we here living as planned and would end up into places, events or things that we ought to and should've been since the very day that we came into being? Did God create us with a fixed fate and future that everything that has and will happen to us have already been written in the book of the so-called destiny? Are we thrown in this world just to live and watch our reality unfold? Am I sitting here writing this essay destined to happen? Can I not do anything to change it? I do not believe in such, I defy destiny.

Destiny is defined as the seemingly inevitable succession of events. I never believed in such, I am the master of my fate, the captain of my ship and steward of my existence, I cannot accept the said fact that I am pre-determined, that my life, as we speak has already been planned, how can a person live thinking that whatever happens is the way it should've hapend and he or she cannot and can never do anything about it! While at the back of his or her mind he or she cannot blame anything or anyone because it was already destined! I find people believing in destiny crazy and absurd. The fact that they are leaving their existence to fate and fate alone. That they live their life on the basis of "the already".

It was quoted that change is the only thing permanent, how then can destiny come into being if it is so? Or can the believers argue that whatever change that will occur is still destined? Why then continue this argument? Change really is permanent because people exist to undergo constant changes, taking different steps, making crucial random decisions, taking leaps of faith. It is never fair to tell people that do what you must because you cannot do anything about whatever the outcome, goodluck nalang! How then is a person to enjoy what is to come, that he is now independent of the exciting consequences and rewards of one's actions? Life then becomes fixed.

"Man is nothing but what he makes of himself"; quoted from Jean Paul Sartre's essay of "Existentialism is a humanism". It was said that we are thrown into this world to fulfill a purpose. That human life is nothingness that gives us the freedom to create and re-create our being. To me, we start out like a lump of clay, that we constantly mold as we go through life. All the hardships, trials, joys and sorrows and people around us are the things that mold us into what we eventually become in a potmaker's shop as his FIRST item.

Our reality is self determined, no one but us are in control of what is to come, "Man is condemned to be free"; we must be therefore responsible of the consequences, including being destiny-less. God gave us free will, the freedom to chose, the freedom to take steps, the freedom to make decisions! Why then are people claiming that destiny is God given? God gave his people freedom to be responsible for, God does not control our actions and future, it is entirely up to us.

We prepare our own lunches, we make our own beds. I exist because I will define myself!

Sunday, April 09, 2006


Looking back. I never thought I'd stumble into this thought of missing my old school. No matter how much the thought of getting away from that prison that took away a fair portion of my life that i once thought of forever leaving.

I was very wrong...

No matter how much I think that leaving my highschool life is one of life's blessings, graduating from almost total dependency bounded by rules, graduating from classmates seen and socialized with every year and graduating from life long friendships earned that could never be replaced anytime and anywhere. Graduation from highschool was such a relief, breaking loose from tradition and the doorway to independency and all night parties. Getting that "your own master feel" that college life brings. Or does it?

Images of our boring school uniform, boring school corridors, some boring classmates and oh-so boring professors made me smile. Boring yet, the very things that I really REALLY miss. The boring everyday routine of my highschool life seem like a lost treasured memory. Its really ironic, because back then, what I wouldn't give to escape the routine, now, what i wouldn't give just for an opportunity of living life the highschool way. What I wouldn't give to spend at least one day, back when life was less complicated.

Back then, you wouldn't worry of coming to school without reading anything(for me atleast hehe :-p) or attending the class without doing the homework, because you yourself or your seatmate would be the ones checking it anyway, having not to worry about an exam because it will only be so simple and could be accomplished through mindless guessing and stock knowledge(for me again anyway..hehe). One of the usual things I really miss right now, is my every day habit of borrowing a ballpen, because back then, no ballpen invented has lasted a single day with me. I dunno why or how it happens but it does anyway and the funny thing is that there are always people willing to offer their pens eventhough they know it would not come back. Hehe. And also, during the quarterly exams, my friends and I have this habit of coming into our house then quote and quote "group studying" while spending most of our time playing the playstation, playing childish games like hide-and-seek etc, chatting, picture taking of the most unusual poses and situation or doing really funny videos of ourselves. Not to mention our doing it every single day besides quarterly examination week.Simple? Yeah it really was.

Ahh waking up every morning excited about a school roleplay always was my favorite part of HS. I enjoy showing-off although I do unintentionally(hehe concieted), but the school roleplays for subjects like english or Filipino were some of my HS life's highlights.But now, those days are long gone, the days that I once would give anything to lose.

When I entered college, and the gates of De La Salle University, I almost felt sorry for the pitiful souls that are still in my old school's campus, that I have escaped the system and on to better things. I never thought college life would be difficult, and I'm only on my first year, I never expected taking up engineering would be this stressful and down right DIFFICULT. Mind buggling mathematical problems, brain draining lectures and an avalanche of work and practice. Things I never encountered in my highschool life.

Now, I miss every thing about it, my mentors, my classroom, the bond of a section, the roleplays, my band, the recitations and most of all, some of my friends. Although most of them are still up to this day are frequently in our house, some are now a far-off memory leading their new life. I realized this, that simple things are the most special things in life that could only be appreciated after they're gone.


Friday, February 24, 2006

On death
"learn to die, and you learn to live"
A person does not think much of an old oak tree seen everyday, or a street sign that have been there since forever, simple things that a person normally pays little or no attention to, but if there will come a time in this person's life that his/her existence is somewhat jeopardized or in other words his/her time on earth are numbered, do you think he/she will still think of that certain oak tree as another tree in the green rather than a friend who has been his/her shade when he/she was tired and scorched from the heat of the sun? Or that old street sign that have (in a practical way) helped save his/her life on several occassions? Yes these are stuff that are that simple but are the exact things that have been with us and have served their purpose of immortalizing their existence in our everyday life unnoticably. A person who knows his/her life would soon come to an end, would look at the world entirely. That oak tree would not be an oak tree, but a symbol of satisfaction that the person is still capable of seeing, of living. That person will never look at these things in this perspective, have not for the realization that his/her time maybe up today, tommorow or the next day. This is what it means by learning how to die, you learn how to live. A person usually does not realize life's beauty until the very last moment that he/she is granted this privelage. Having the knowledge of what is to come, a person then and only then truly sees the things life had brought from sunrise to sunset to the cool star lit night, that he/she has been taking for granted, thinking that it would still be there the next day, always there to serve its boring purpose day in and day out. Now that person knows his/her fate that is death, every little detail of the day are made special, noticed and finally valued for all its worth, everything is now given special attention that has not been there an entire lifetime. When you learn how to die, you see life in its entireity, only then that you learn how to live.